The Everlasting Aloha 'Oe
The byes never stop.
I’ve learned that crying don’t work.
Pain just goes on.
It’s every fuckin day that you lose your people.
Who taught you how to say bye?
One of the things you can’t build a tradition with.
Ain’t no liturgy here!
Just a lifelong bout of depressive bittersweet melancholy.
Knowing that you’ll probably see them again,
But never guaranteed shit.
Loving the new and hating leaving the old.
The dichotomy of life.
I got asked before how and why I’m ambivalent about a lot of things.
Didn’t know how to answer.
Found out it came as another perk.
Like having no home or place of origin.
I’m ambivalent about things because that’s what I’ve had to feel the most.
Somehow the impossibility of loving the new and wanting to keep the old escaped my 9 year old brain,
and then again at 18, 19, 20, and now 23.
Lemme just explode real quick.
Leaking is almost impossible.
But word vomit?
Or better yet, an emotional grenade?
That is easier than you’d imagine.
It’s like I was created inside out.
Like the meant to be soft things hardened more than diamonds
And the meant to be hard things were water balloons of thin skin scared and
waiting for a pin to do its job.
Never sure of where or when it would come.
As if life was meant to be lived softly.
Almost like loneliness is the easiest solution.
Supposedly humans are social creatures, yet we find the easiest way possible to leave those of our social circle.
Some days being a hermit makes absolute sense.
Lemme go be recluse in some random state or country in the middle of nowhere.
Let stars and birds and the wind be my company.
Let my solitude kill me slower than these goodbyes.
To those I have met and will see again, or not, Aloha 'Oe.
I’ve learned that crying don’t work.
Pain just goes on.
It’s every fuckin day that you lose your people.
Who taught you how to say bye?
One of the things you can’t build a tradition with.
Ain’t no liturgy here!
Just a lifelong bout of depressive bittersweet melancholy.
Knowing that you’ll probably see them again,
But never guaranteed shit.
Loving the new and hating leaving the old.
The dichotomy of life.
I got asked before how and why I’m ambivalent about a lot of things.
Didn’t know how to answer.
Found out it came as another perk.
Like having no home or place of origin.
I’m ambivalent about things because that’s what I’ve had to feel the most.
Somehow the impossibility of loving the new and wanting to keep the old escaped my 9 year old brain,
and then again at 18, 19, 20, and now 23.
Lemme just explode real quick.
Leaking is almost impossible.
But word vomit?
Or better yet, an emotional grenade?
That is easier than you’d imagine.
It’s like I was created inside out.
Like the meant to be soft things hardened more than diamonds
And the meant to be hard things were water balloons of thin skin scared and
waiting for a pin to do its job.
Never sure of where or when it would come.
As if life was meant to be lived softly.
Almost like loneliness is the easiest solution.
Supposedly humans are social creatures, yet we find the easiest way possible to leave those of our social circle.
Some days being a hermit makes absolute sense.
Lemme go be recluse in some random state or country in the middle of nowhere.
Let stars and birds and the wind be my company.
Let my solitude kill me slower than these goodbyes.
To those I have met and will see again, or not, Aloha 'Oe.
Comments
Post a Comment